UNDER PARIS (FRENCH) (2024) – Sinking French cinema to unchartered depths

This must be the first shark movie in French that I have seen. Most French movies that I know of or have actually watched were more geared towards the arthouse genre. This is unusual territory and something that is more apt for Hollywood. After all the self-publicised and invented hype by Netflix I just had to give this one a watch. Afterall, I do like a good shark movie and the preposterous idea of having the River Seine in Paris being infected by killer sharks is just too bizarre an idea to miss.

Those hoping for a fresh take on a familiar theme here would, however, be sadly disappointed. Under Paris fails at multiple levels. It has the look of a poor imitation of a bad Hollywood made shark movie. It has one-dimensional characters, predictable members of the cast who will end up as shark fodder, stupid dialouge, some stubborn high positioned character who refuses to heed to warnings, and worst of all, sloppy effects rendering it virtually impossible to see the shark or its attacks properly. The film makers try all sorts of tricks to avoid showing the sharks properly. The unbelievably polluted water made the underwater scenes look murky making it difficult to see any details. The use of fake looking shark fins and nets with floaters shown rushing through the surface of the water at least gave some degree of heightened excitement but we all see through these as merely props not unlike those we see in theme park rides. The nonsensical plot made up some nutty explanation as to why sharks which are saltwater fishes can survive in the Seine River! If we can swallow that we can swallow anything the rest of the film comes up with including its destructive over the top and unbelievable ending.

The only minor redeeming value in this is its locale. Paris is beautiful no matter what sort of messy movie it finds inside in, and the recurring shots of the Eiffel Tower and Seine River were at least eye candy. Under Paris gives French cinema a bad name. Its only achievement is to prove that they can make as bad a movie as Hollywood at probably a fraction of the cost. You have been warned. Stay clear of this movie! You will thank me for this.